over the moon.

i don't know why, but lately i've been in this like. unfinished and unable to do things state. i don't want to hangout with anyone as much as i did. or have. im tired. and hungry. i feel like pluto, just isolated i guess. really truly contemplating going to l' ermitage for highschool abroad next school year. four years away from it all......maybe? really excited for summer. all my clothes can finally be worn and all that jazz. sad music by dear in the headlights, just sets the mood for a nap. i drew allover the back of my nylon, i think its quite interesting. perfumes are the thing on the mind, i want to smell like warm milk, bed sheets, that smell you get when you put on a warm shirt straight from the dryer, or when you open a dishwasher after the first cycle finishes, when the steam rolls out like a thick fog and blankets your face. i want to smell like awkward confrontations in bed sheets. because i've had those yes. me. and i want to smell like the scratching of scabs on warm summer nights, soft legs, and hot chocolate in the den while in snowing outside. i want to have my own scent that captures my life in a little bottle. i want them packaged up and sent across the country, in little creme bottles with silver crepe paper and little blue candles to. just me. and i need to find a movie, like garden party, just a weird awkward film, not to mainstream, not to underground. i truly want my own world. a small planet where i can live all alone. and then jet back to earth. like some type of celestial princessa. i want to wear lace gowns and sit cross legged everywhere, i want to run in a field FILLEDDD to the skkies with grass and flowers. and my revelation has begun. im sitting indian style on the bus. and i'm becoming more and more quiet. i've always wanted to stand out. now i just want to fade out like a dying bulb. just sit contently with everyone. and most of all. i want a true blue love, that i can have blurry and strange confrontations with, under white sheets. i want viking rings, and jewerly worn by people from the 1300's, and day 0. i want to just be myself. but better.